Here are some anecdotes from the last few seasons, guaranteed to cause embarrassment. To protect individuals, names have been changed, but all the stories are true.

Let's go for three ! - Jim Bean

A sunny late summer's day at Sprotborough for the 2nd teams last match. The opposition skipper asks Captain Ricardo Umbridge "Seein as the's nowt at stake, can them two lasses play ?", pointing to two young girls already in their whites. Ricardo agreed, instantly. We battered, and the girls were put on the boundary. Runs came, but wickets fell too, and soon we were in a familiar precarious position. Phil Chapman, having seen wickets fall at the other end, was joined in the middle by Jim Bean, and the put together something of a partnership. Chapman was playing some glorious hoikes, drawing admiring moos from the cows in the neighbouring field. He played another shot to the mid-wicket boundary. Anchorman Bean ran the first quickly, the second comfortably. Turning for a third, he saw one of the girls on the distant boundary. "Let's go for three !" he roared, and set off. The wicket keeper started laughing. Meanwhile, the girl launched the ball towards the middle. It went like a missile, horizontal the entire distance. No one in our team could throw like that, not even the legendary Andy Cloak. The ball fizzed through the air and hit the keepers glove with a "thwack" about 1mm above the bails. The keeper, still laughing, removed the bails with poor Jim half way down. Jim was distraught. Both sides fell about laughing. He trudged his lonely way back, knowing that he would go down in history as the only Stainborough batsman to be run out by a woman.

A day in the life - Jan Pooper

We all have "one of those days". This was Jan's. Fielding first, Jan found himself at long off as the batsman hit out. Not the most spritely in the field, big Jan was unlucky as the all followed him.The batsman peppered Jan with gruesome drives, and the ball sailed over his head, past despairing dives and through his legs. Eventually, one came straight down to him from a towering height. Jan steadied himself, flapped, swore and dropped it. Not content with that, he repeated the feat, 4 times in all. "Forget it, Jan" was the talk at tea "Go get some runs". He ignored this sound advice. His first ball was a juicy long-hop, which he carved expertly into this middle stump. Four dropped catches, several mis-fields and a first ball duck. Disasters normally come in threes, but today was an exception. In the local after the game, in rushed a white faced Cliff Hell and cried : "Jan's piled his car up". We all rushed out to find Jan frantically searching his squashed car for his flip-flops before the police arrived. The event is commemorated to this day by the "Jan Pooper Award" for services to the opposition.

Fenced In - Mike Tonka

"Tonk" was a lion in the field. Nothing went past him. He would dive onto broken glass to save a boundary. However, his enthusiasm once got out of hand. Chasing a ball to the boundary at Stainborough, he realised he needed to dive to stop a four. He launched himself head first, only to find that the outfield was nice and wet after drizzle. He slithered uncontrollably onwards, like a nervous Roy Copper on a black ski run. Ahead, a chain link fence. Unable to slow down, Mike just closed his eyes and prepared for his fate. He had a XXXX - shaped scar on his forehead for weeks afterwards.

Qualified Coach - Alma Grunt

Alma was upset to be batting down the order at Pontefract. "I'm a qualified coach" he explained, as he systematically criticised the batsmen who came and went before him. When it was his turn, he strode proudly to the wicket, with an "I'll show em" look on his face. The first ball was an inviting half volley, which he spooned generously to mid-off. It was a dolly - even Leaky Sealweed could have caught it. Alma did not know what to do, so he reverted to the well-known bat throwing routine. Only, he threw it while he was still on the field. The bat sailed horizontally across the boundary, through the dressing room door, bounced off the wall and nestled conveniently in his bag. Alma now holds the club record for bat-throwing, having beaten the never-to-be-forgotton Petula Mulewood's effort set in a junior match in 1974.

Widest wide - Roy Copper

Stainborough is rumoured to be the scene of the widest wide ever bowled in cricket at any level. The great Roy Copper bowled it, claiming "it was only a loosener". Wicket-keeper Ivan Thatcher broke 3 ribs trying to stop it, and the ball was never seen again, although it is reputed to have been picked up by a passing motorist on the M1 near Gilroyd. Sadly, Roy never bowled again.